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dgray_man2008-09-14 05:51 pm
Fic: Like Them All
Rating: PG for language
Status: One-shot; complete
Characters: Allen, Komui, Leverrier; mentions of Linali, Kanda.
Pairing: hints of Allen and Kanda.
Notes: This is yet another oneshot from the AU arc I've been toying with, with Allen and Kanda as Noahs. This story follows The Making of Tragedy when it comes to timeline. This also sprang from an interesting discussion with
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may_unleashed , about how other Exorcists seem to take Kanda for granted, merely dismissing him as an invincible son of a b without actually realizing that he might be in great pain. And now, because they never asked, they regret at the end of the day.---
The TV screens all glowed brightly inside the dim room, and the lights danced oddly against Komui’s eyeglasses, making odd colors of red, blue, green and magenta flare up on his lenses. He sat on the couch with his back straight, his hands clasping his own knees tightly, but even then his hands were shaking. There was a frightening cold inside the Supervisor’s guts, a twisting and roiling monster deep inside him, wanting to get out.
Beside him, Malcolm de Leverrier sat almost relaxed as if by contrast, his back leaning comfortably into the backrest. In his crisp suit and tie the Inspector looked unperturbed, his eyes betraying nothing, only that sharp predatory look. His lips were pursed, and his hands were calmly clasped with each other and rested on his middle. But the façade was a deceptive one. Perhaps Malcolm de Leverrier was in more nerves now than Komui Li beside him.
The Order had not seen anything of this kind before.
---
When Lavi and Miranda, along with a team of three Finders, found Allen Walker, the white-haired General was thrashing about in the middle of the street, smoke rising from him though there was no visible fire. His eyes had rolled up into his head so only the whites of his eyeballs showed, and his mouth was opened in a soundless scream. But that was the least of Lavi and Miranda’s worries.
Allen’s own team was nowhere to be found, and even now, three months later, the Seeker Department was giving up all hopes. There was simply no explanation as to how four Finders disappeared into thin air and left Allen Walker senseless in the middle of a street in Madrid, Spain.
Allen had been carted straight off to the infirmary. But not one of the nurses and doctors’ stocks of anti-hallucinatory drugs worked on him. Allen was ultimately strapped down onto his hospital bed because he kicked and screamed, struggled with all of his parasitic strength. Komui had hastily ordered his Innocence be removed, and only then that the nurses and doctors could approach safely and try see what was wrong with him.
The answer eluded them for a month.
And then the video footage came in, wrapped in brown paper. It was stained with blood and came together with a Finder’s Rose Cross.
---
The drop of sweat that flowed down Komui’s left temple was ice cold, but the man was not aware of this. The screams from the footage they had been watching was high and shrill, not that nobody in the Black Order was not used to screams. Komui saw a blade flash and a man’s severed arm flew. A young boy’s laughter blended eerily into the tortured screaming, which, in a few minutes, was slowly reduced to a pleading whimper.
Footsteps. Komui and Leverrier saw a pair of black, muddy boots come into view.
“Please have mercy…have mercy…have mercy…”
“Have mercy? HAVE MERCY? You got a sense of humor! That’s what I like best with you Finders – you have a sense of humor! Ha ha ha ha!”
More tinkling laughter. Komui knew that young boy’s voice very well. How could he forget? He would never forget the voices of everyone who had grown up, lived, served and died within the Black Order. He would never.
“Oh? What’s this? You’re trying to catch me on tape, are you?”
The camera moved roughly as a pair of blood-slicked hands picked it up. A face came into view, and Malcolm de Leverrier pushed the pause button on the remote that was lying on his lap. Komui had to stare into a face that he had never dreamed would bear the Seven Crosses of the Noah family.
“So.” Malcolm de Leverrier spoke, finally breaking the silence. “It would seem that we have a new Noah in our plate, Supervisor.”
Komui bit his lower lip and shut his eyes. He raised his right hand to cover his eyes and quietly let the sobs out. Malcolm de Leverrier watched him in silence.
“You never expected this, didn’t you, Supervisor?” he said. “We all thought that the Togaochi was the end of it.”
He didn’t know. They had all been shocked when Linali came screaming and in tears, telling them that Kanda was dead – dead – and that there was lots of blood on the floor, and his eyes stared dully at the open door where she had come in, and his mouth was open, as if in a silent scream for help—
They had taken him for granted. They had all mistaken his strength for pure invincibility, and even Komui was guilty of it. They never understood the profound despair, sadness and anger that Kanda Yuu had ever felt, as his years passed by, as his petals fell. Komui dismissed his recklessness in battle for sheer pride on his abilities. It never occurred to him that the Japanese Exorcist might have been intending something else, jumping straight into a battle like that, not caring if his head got blown off, if he got hacked to pieces, if he lost pails upon pails of precious blood.
Kanda had jumped into every battle and didn’t mind getting killed because that was what he wanted – to die.
Was there truly anyone in the Black Order who understood him while he was still alive?
The answer was before Komui.
No one.
Because if there had been just one person who bothered to ask, the Illusion of Noah would not have existed in the first place.
---
Allen was sitting up in bed at the Infirmary, alone. Though he had been given an all-clear the Head Nurse refused to release him yet, insisting that he spend three more days with full rest before he could go out to field work. She went out babbling about Exorcists and Finders and all sorts of workaholics, and how the god in heaven should smite them all and teach them a lesson.
Naturally, Allen was not listening.
There was an empty, sinking feeling inside Allen Walker. He looked at his hands, human and not, but his eyes were not seeing them. His mind kept playing the vision of that Noah inside his head, clearer now than ever before.
Am I your greatest fear, Exorcist?
What had become of them?
Am I your greatest fear, moyashi?
What happened to all of them?
---
“I want you to tell us, Hevlaska, if you carry within you an Innocence fragment that can be a counter to the strongest Illusions that this new Noah can muster.”
Malcolm de Leverrier’s voice was clear and strong inside the darkness of Hevlaska’s chamber.
I have an Innocence that is one of the Seven that the Heart created, but I would advise against it’s use…Jitsu, Innocence of Reality, takes by far a greater toll on Mugen, it’s sister fragment…Jitsu has not synced with any host ever since it was created, and I do not think it will anytime soon. I also strongly disagree about forcing one of the Seven to sync…
Komui glanced at the Inspector and saw how the man’s expression soured for a moment.
“Release the fragment, Hevlaska. Our sync procedures have improved greatly since Linali Li’s success with the Dark Boots. We will find a host for Jitsu, and it is crucial that we do. We cannot afford that Noah to create more damage! People are dying as we speak!”
Komui opened his mouth to answer, but someone’s voice got there first.
“So you’re willing to sacrifice even more people just so you could sync that fragment with someone?”
Allen Walker’s voice was quiet and emotionless. Komui looked up and found the white-haired General with his arms folded across his chest as he stood by one of the railings, watching them on the floating pod beside Hevlaska’s ethereal form.
“How many Togaochi will you create just to force Jitsu to acknowledge one person, Leverrier?” Allen Walker continued in the same quiet voice.
“Are you better, Allen Walker?” Leverrier smiled. “Even you were helpless against that Noah, were you not?”
Allen made no reply. He glanced at Hevlaska, and from that angle, Komui could see great sadness and anger in the teen’s face.
He turned on his heels and walked away.
---
“What do you want, moyashi?”
“Kanda…I-I want to tell you something.”
“What?”
“I-I…I…well…”
“For fuck’s sake, spit it out, I haven’t got all day to listen to your goddamn drivel!”
“I love you.”
“…”
“Please listen, Kanda, I--!”
“What the fuck did you say to me, moyashi?”
“K-Kanda! Remove Mugen from my neck! I don’t want a fight---!”
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?”
“…I love you, Kanda. I love you.”
Laughter. Allen could remember Kanda’s laughter at that time – the cold, deriding laughter that drowned out his confession, his lame words. He remembered how Kanda withdrew Mugen and made to walk away. How he sought to follow, but instead, ended up grabbing Kanda’s sleeve. Kanda whirling around and punching him in the face.
“Keep your lame jokes to yourself, fucking moyashi.”
But Allen wished it was a joke. It wasn’t. So when that day came when Linali had screamed, when he had seen that body already in the frigidity of death, lying in a pool of its own blood, Allen Walker felt his word crumble a third time.
He had lots of time to study Kanda’s reaction ever since they had brought the Fallen down. How dare he say those words. How dare he, really.
How dare Allen Walker to tell Yuu Kanda that he loved him when he did not understand, made no effort to understand, would never understand. It sounded as a joke to Kanda. A joke he would never appreciate. A mean joke that would make him hope in vain.
And he was right.
After that, Allen never had the courage to walk up to him again and try to convince him of the other’s feelings.
No matter how sincere and deep Allen felt his love to be, for Kanda, it was an infatuation, a shallow thing that he had no time for.
Allen was just like the whole Shitfuck load of them.
---
He stared at the mirror. It had been months of hard work for Allen to finally be able to look into mirrors again without the fear of seeing the 14th Noah’s silhouette in his reflection.
But…
He wanted to be with Kanda. It was his only chance now to prove the worth and measure of his feelings. He would be there with him, even if it meant the other side of the chess board.
He would be there.
Wait for me…Kanda.
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It's pretty amazing to write these sorts of stuff too, what with the mess going on in the manga. I just HAD to exploit the turmoil of emotions the characters are experiencing!
Thing is they don't come straight out like normal and thus I have to write them in fragments!
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Keep up the good work! I look forward for your fics in this AUverse ♥
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Will try! I gotta study Tyki's character more o.o! He is such a hard person to write! D8
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Yeah, coz you mentioned in The Making of Tragedy how they had to restrain Kyuuya in the beginning because of his violence, and I would love to know how the rest of the Noah react to having a former exorcist as their new sibling.
Gosh, you can make a whole continuous series out of this AUverse! XD
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Now if Tyki just listens to me---
xDDDDDD
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I can't wait to see what you write next in this AU series. x3
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OMG, I am so hunting you down from now on, to have more discussions and thus, to get you writing more of this AU series!!!!
I love the pace of it, arggghhh! How do you do it? It's so difficult for me!
From the start:
Damn Malcolm and his 'I told you so' attitude. I really, really hope in one of your AUs he gets horribly killed XDD
Komui's reaction was so realistic, ouch ouch. Ne ne, I wanna talk to you later about how you imagine other people's death would be (you know who hm)
Through all this, Allen's despair and reactions are perfect. He's a mess, really. And the way he approaches Kanda and so easily gives up. AHHH, right after the Togaochi occurence.
The references to Kanda are magnific. How everyone sees him as the freaking unbreakable chess piece. We have a problem? Lets send Kanda out to solve it. We need someone to complete a damn suicide mission? Oh, Kanda, you are great for the job. We need someone to accompany Allen to a mission, but of course we trust Allen will solve it, he's the champion, but who will in turn act as a shield? Hmmm, Kanda....
*pulls at hair* I love you how bring all our discussions to life in these one-shots, they are great.
Kanda throwing himself into death situations. And the Order....blind, blind!
*hugs* Looking forward to more of this series. And my mind is also plotting, I hope to catch you around soon and ask for allowance to put up companion pieces.
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I foresee moar plotting and fangirling ahead~