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dgray_man2009-08-19 07:34 pm
twitchy-plink.livejournal.com) wrote in dgray_man2009-08-19 07:34 pm
Entry tags:
Crackfic
So with the recent chapter (which I still don't really get and am like ._.) it got me and my friend talking about d.gray-man again and we came up with 71 random 'crack' pairings in the series.
This in itself was very amusing and nice to keep my mind off the feeling that it's going downhill, but I ended up writing some of them and just now decided to share with you guys.
All are drabble-size and no more than maybe barely pg-13 if your brain decides to make it that way.
And one last note: Yes, I know we're special. We like it that way.
20.CloudxMonkeys
Sokoro walked in to see Cloud sitting on a couch. He was almost surprised to not see Cross sitting there with his arm wrapped around her as usual.
Instead he saw...
He blinked. He blinked again.
Cross entered the room as well. He stopped and blinked as well.
"Oooh you're all so cute!" General Cloud was sitting on the couch, surrounded by monkeys, cooing at them. She stroked the one closest to her and giggled as it hung off of her arm with it's tail.
Trying to think logically for a moment Sokoro mused that it must have been a spider monkey. Turning to Cross he shook his head, glancing at his mentally unstable fellow General before slowly backing away.
After a moment, and watching Cloud kiss all the monkeys on the nose before hugging them tightly and flopping down so she was laying on the couch Cross left as well.
Who knew that the woman liked monkeys that much anyway?
~End
-----------------
60. KandaxFlowers
Allen was walking down a much unused corridor of the Order when he stopped, an odd smell coming towards him. He frowned, breathing more deeply and recognizing the smell of...flowers?
Frowing in confusion he followed the smell until he came to a door that was mostly closed, with only a couple inch gap to peer through.
He almost fained in shock with what he saw.
There was a field. A large field. A large field of flowers. With Kanda. Running.
No wait, he had stopped running and had fallen, sprawling himself down in the middle of the very large, very random field of flowers.
Allen watched with one eye twitching as Kanda rolled, plucking handfulls of flowers throwing them into the air and mushing them into his face.
Kanda suddenly stopped, jumping up with two large handfulls of flowers. Allen ran as he threw them up in the air, and tried to forget the voice that yelled,
"What flowers are illusions now, bitch?!"
~End
-----------------
22. TimcampyxKandas Gollem
Link awoke to an odd sound. That wasn't very uncommon being in Allen Walkers room, but this sound was odder than normal. There were less sexual sounds and more...he wasn't sure how to describe it.
Sitting up from his bedroll he looked down his body to his feet, where the sounds were coming from. Feeling something brush against his foot he resisted the urge to squeal like a little girl and quickly threw back the blanket and pulled up his legs to stare incredulously at the sight before him.
"T-Tim...?" he stuttered, looking at the golden gollem. But it wasn't alone.
Squinting in the semi-darkness he recognized it. 'That's Kanda's gollem.' he thought and frowned as the two rubbed against each other and Tim...
Was Timcampy purring? Link shuddered.
Gollem sex was not anything he wanted to think about though it would explain why the golden gollem was getting bigger...
He shuddered again breaking off his thoughts and stared in shock as Timcampy opened...her(?) mouth and began chewing on, eating Kanda's gollem.
As the last of the black wing finally disappeared Link whispered, "Black widow."
He never slept soundly around Timcampy again.
~End
-----------------
71. KandaxWomanlyness
"Oh my god my hair!" Was the first thing Lavi heard when he opened the door to Kanda's room.
When his eyes finally registered what he was seeing he wished he had taken up Allens offer to go to breakfast early.
"Kanda...have you been meditating with Lenalee again?" Lavi asked slowly, trying to think of a way to back out of this.
Kanda turned around furiously, swinging his hips wide as his knee length dress swished happily into place. He flicked his head moving his bangs aside and used one hand to flick his hair over his shoulder. He looked at him with a dramatic pout showing the lipstick, lipstick, he had put on to match his eyeliner.
Lavi was sure he was going to faint in about two seconds.
"What do you want, or get out." Kanda said and Lavi was reminded almost of Eliade when she had first seen them. He only hoped he didn't follow her antics of bending over and blowing him a kiss. He would have heart failure.
"Uh, um.." Lavi stuttered, watching in horrified fascination as Kanda pushed the spaghetti strap of his dress back on his shoulder. "I should go to breakfast you look fab."
With that he fled, not looking behind him. He vowed to never go to Kanda in the morning again.
~End
-----------------
66. 14thxAny Reflective Surface
Allen twitched. Whoever had thought it would be 'fun' and 'a good idea' to go to a funhouse, a place with a hall of mirrors had been completely off their rocker.
So here he was. Lost in a maze of mirrors with only the 14ths reflection to keep him company.
He looked around again. Maybe it was a little too much company.
The shadow was being it's usual smiley self, but instead of just sitting there smiling it was doing...other stuff.
Allen flinched as the shadow stroked the glass and brought his face forward, closer to the surface. Allen briefly wondered if he saw himself in the reflection, or if he just had a complex. Seeing things out of the corner of his eye, well, right in front of him (stupid house of mirrors) made him want to get out right now.
Closing his eyes he somehow managed to stagger out, his friends wondering why he looked so horrible.
When he got back to the order he immediately covered all reflective surfaces.
Two weeks later when a mirror dropped, shattering into a million pieces in front of Allen the poor cursed boy took half a look and fainted dead away.
~End
-----------------
50. KandaxHis Hair
Komui usually didn't go many places in the Order.
The cafeteria, Lenalee's room, and the rooms connected to the science department. He wasn't sure what had caused him to wander this direction, but he had, and now he was regretting it.
It had started when he had turned a corner, stared for a couple seconds and then quickly went back around the corner, sitting there and listening to Kanda ramble to himself.
Or more specifically his hair.
The image of Kanda sitting, slouched against the wall with his hair down, the loose strands falling around him as he stroked and played with it.
"Oh you're so beautiful and soft. They said Lenalee had the most beautiful hair, they never saw you. Now there's no comparison."
Kanda sighed happily and Komui peered around the corner to see Kanda take a handful of his hair to bring up and rub on his face, smelling it.
Komui fled, leaving Kanda to giggle with his hair happily and complement it.
The Science Department Chief vowed to never go out of his way for any reason ever again.
~End
-----------------
15. CrossxHammer
During Allens training he had seen his master wield many things. His gun, Maria's powers, a knife, his wits, and most recently...a hammer.
It seemed to fit strangely well with his personality. Cross seemed to just fit with a cig, a bottle of booze, and a hammer.
Sometimes Allen would walk in after a long day of training (see gambling and running for his life) to see Cross curled up in a corner, talking to and petting the hammer like a favorite pet.
It made him nervous when Cross would notice him and and stop for a second, looking between the hammer and Allen with a wicked little grin on his face.
He knew that something horrible (odd) was going to happen right when one day, after telling Allen all about the Order he took out his hammer and started talking to it.
"You see love, this is what we've been discussing. I'm sorry, I really do love you but after this we'll just have to say goodbye."
Allen was to stunned to dodge the blow that knocked him out.
~End
-----------------
Special: KandaxShampoo
Kanda stood in the shower, the water streaming down his body as he picked out his shampoo of choice. Herbal essence, the soul and body of his hair.
Smiling he dropped a glob of shampoo in his hand, rubbing them together before rubbing them through his hair.
He moaned happily as the scent of flowers rose with the bubbles in his hair. Finishing rubbing it in he moved under the water, watching the suds run down his body, hitting the bottom tile of he shower and down the drain.
Kanda swung his hair, releasing another burst of flowery scent as he threw it over a shoulder, running his hands through his hair getting rid of the last traces of bubbles.
Shaking his hands through his hair under the water one last time Kanda confirmed there was no more shampoo in his hair.
Rinsing himself off one last time he turned off the water, grabbing a towel to rub in his hair and then wrap it around his waist as he stepped out.
No one would ever know his guilty pleasure of flower scented shampoo.
~End
-----------------
This in itself was very amusing and nice to keep my mind off the feeling that it's going downhill, but I ended up writing some of them and just now decided to share with you guys.
All are drabble-size and no more than maybe barely pg-13 if your brain decides to make it that way.
And one last note: Yes, I know we're special. We like it that way.
20.CloudxMonkeys
Sokoro walked in to see Cloud sitting on a couch. He was almost surprised to not see Cross sitting there with his arm wrapped around her as usual.
Instead he saw...
He blinked. He blinked again.
Cross entered the room as well. He stopped and blinked as well.
"Oooh you're all so cute!" General Cloud was sitting on the couch, surrounded by monkeys, cooing at them. She stroked the one closest to her and giggled as it hung off of her arm with it's tail.
Trying to think logically for a moment Sokoro mused that it must have been a spider monkey. Turning to Cross he shook his head, glancing at his mentally unstable fellow General before slowly backing away.
After a moment, and watching Cloud kiss all the monkeys on the nose before hugging them tightly and flopping down so she was laying on the couch Cross left as well.
Who knew that the woman liked monkeys that much anyway?
~End
-----------------
60. KandaxFlowers
Allen was walking down a much unused corridor of the Order when he stopped, an odd smell coming towards him. He frowned, breathing more deeply and recognizing the smell of...flowers?
Frowing in confusion he followed the smell until he came to a door that was mostly closed, with only a couple inch gap to peer through.
He almost fained in shock with what he saw.
There was a field. A large field. A large field of flowers. With Kanda. Running.
No wait, he had stopped running and had fallen, sprawling himself down in the middle of the very large, very random field of flowers.
Allen watched with one eye twitching as Kanda rolled, plucking handfulls of flowers throwing them into the air and mushing them into his face.
Kanda suddenly stopped, jumping up with two large handfulls of flowers. Allen ran as he threw them up in the air, and tried to forget the voice that yelled,
"What flowers are illusions now, bitch?!"
~End
-----------------
22. TimcampyxKandas Gollem
Link awoke to an odd sound. That wasn't very uncommon being in Allen Walkers room, but this sound was odder than normal. There were less sexual sounds and more...he wasn't sure how to describe it.
Sitting up from his bedroll he looked down his body to his feet, where the sounds were coming from. Feeling something brush against his foot he resisted the urge to squeal like a little girl and quickly threw back the blanket and pulled up his legs to stare incredulously at the sight before him.
"T-Tim...?" he stuttered, looking at the golden gollem. But it wasn't alone.
Squinting in the semi-darkness he recognized it. 'That's Kanda's gollem.' he thought and frowned as the two rubbed against each other and Tim...
Was Timcampy purring? Link shuddered.
Gollem sex was not anything he wanted to think about though it would explain why the golden gollem was getting bigger...
He shuddered again breaking off his thoughts and stared in shock as Timcampy opened...her(?) mouth and began chewing on, eating Kanda's gollem.
As the last of the black wing finally disappeared Link whispered, "Black widow."
He never slept soundly around Timcampy again.
~End
-----------------
71. KandaxWomanlyness
"Oh my god my hair!" Was the first thing Lavi heard when he opened the door to Kanda's room.
When his eyes finally registered what he was seeing he wished he had taken up Allens offer to go to breakfast early.
"Kanda...have you been meditating with Lenalee again?" Lavi asked slowly, trying to think of a way to back out of this.
Kanda turned around furiously, swinging his hips wide as his knee length dress swished happily into place. He flicked his head moving his bangs aside and used one hand to flick his hair over his shoulder. He looked at him with a dramatic pout showing the lipstick, lipstick, he had put on to match his eyeliner.
Lavi was sure he was going to faint in about two seconds.
"What do you want, or get out." Kanda said and Lavi was reminded almost of Eliade when she had first seen them. He only hoped he didn't follow her antics of bending over and blowing him a kiss. He would have heart failure.
"Uh, um.." Lavi stuttered, watching in horrified fascination as Kanda pushed the spaghetti strap of his dress back on his shoulder. "I should go to breakfast you look fab."
With that he fled, not looking behind him. He vowed to never go to Kanda in the morning again.
~End
-----------------
66. 14thxAny Reflective Surface
Allen twitched. Whoever had thought it would be 'fun' and 'a good idea' to go to a funhouse, a place with a hall of mirrors had been completely off their rocker.
So here he was. Lost in a maze of mirrors with only the 14ths reflection to keep him company.
He looked around again. Maybe it was a little too much company.
The shadow was being it's usual smiley self, but instead of just sitting there smiling it was doing...other stuff.
Allen flinched as the shadow stroked the glass and brought his face forward, closer to the surface. Allen briefly wondered if he saw himself in the reflection, or if he just had a complex. Seeing things out of the corner of his eye, well, right in front of him (stupid house of mirrors) made him want to get out right now.
Closing his eyes he somehow managed to stagger out, his friends wondering why he looked so horrible.
When he got back to the order he immediately covered all reflective surfaces.
Two weeks later when a mirror dropped, shattering into a million pieces in front of Allen the poor cursed boy took half a look and fainted dead away.
~End
-----------------
50. KandaxHis Hair
Komui usually didn't go many places in the Order.
The cafeteria, Lenalee's room, and the rooms connected to the science department. He wasn't sure what had caused him to wander this direction, but he had, and now he was regretting it.
It had started when he had turned a corner, stared for a couple seconds and then quickly went back around the corner, sitting there and listening to Kanda ramble to himself.
Or more specifically his hair.
The image of Kanda sitting, slouched against the wall with his hair down, the loose strands falling around him as he stroked and played with it.
"Oh you're so beautiful and soft. They said Lenalee had the most beautiful hair, they never saw you. Now there's no comparison."
Kanda sighed happily and Komui peered around the corner to see Kanda take a handful of his hair to bring up and rub on his face, smelling it.
Komui fled, leaving Kanda to giggle with his hair happily and complement it.
The Science Department Chief vowed to never go out of his way for any reason ever again.
~End
-----------------
15. CrossxHammer
During Allens training he had seen his master wield many things. His gun, Maria's powers, a knife, his wits, and most recently...a hammer.
It seemed to fit strangely well with his personality. Cross seemed to just fit with a cig, a bottle of booze, and a hammer.
Sometimes Allen would walk in after a long day of training (see gambling and running for his life) to see Cross curled up in a corner, talking to and petting the hammer like a favorite pet.
It made him nervous when Cross would notice him and and stop for a second, looking between the hammer and Allen with a wicked little grin on his face.
He knew that something horrible (odd) was going to happen right when one day, after telling Allen all about the Order he took out his hammer and started talking to it.
"You see love, this is what we've been discussing. I'm sorry, I really do love you but after this we'll just have to say goodbye."
Allen was to stunned to dodge the blow that knocked him out.
~End
-----------------
Special: KandaxShampoo
Kanda stood in the shower, the water streaming down his body as he picked out his shampoo of choice. Herbal essence, the soul and body of his hair.
Smiling he dropped a glob of shampoo in his hand, rubbing them together before rubbing them through his hair.
He moaned happily as the scent of flowers rose with the bubbles in his hair. Finishing rubbing it in he moved under the water, watching the suds run down his body, hitting the bottom tile of he shower and down the drain.
Kanda swung his hair, releasing another burst of flowery scent as he threw it over a shoulder, running his hands through his hair getting rid of the last traces of bubbles.
Shaking his hands through his hair under the water one last time Kanda confirmed there was no more shampoo in his hair.
Rinsing himself off one last time he turned off the water, grabbing a towel to rub in his hair and then wrap it around his waist as he stepped out.
No one would ever know his guilty pleasure of flower scented shampoo.
~End
-----------------
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"as Timcampy opened...her(?) mouth,"
Also, I do believe Tim is either neutral or male. I say this because of Tim's profile in the fanbook. I think I remember it saying that Tim liked cigarettes and girls. X3 Tim sounded a lot like Cross, and I don't particularly think that's very feminine. Anyway, it's never explicitly stated what Tim is...so I'm really just being nit picky? ^w^
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Thanks for the laughs and the distraction!
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No problem~ Always glad to share. ^^
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