dgray_man | 39. Sorrow

A/N: Probably way too freakin' early for a speculation...drabble. but this was part of the 100-theme Challenge I'm currently doing, and I decided to post it separately (due to...length violation?). Thus meaning, I would love to expand on this fic, but it was intended to be short(ish) so I made it that way. THIS BEING SAID. This is...I guess I should say, what I hope to happen eventually due to the recent events of Chapter 188

MEANING: SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING

Please don't read this before you've read the chapter (or at least read spoilers for it) .

Other Warning(s): violence, Kanda!angst, overabundance of speculation, mild language...mentioning of possible character death.

39. Sorrow

He hadn’t moved from that spot since the discovery. He had ignored, rather blatantly, the other bodies. The wounded. He had barely moved since the fight, and now the others were beginning to notice.

It made Lavi slightly ill on the inside, with how much the knots twisted and turned, and he was sure his stomach was a mess even though he shouldn’t be feeling these emotions in the first place. Bookman shot him a look. He gave one back, just as easily, and he saw Allen hesitate from the corner, next to Lenalee, both worse for wear, glancing at the black haired teen.

He wondered if it had been a bit much for either of them to swallow, but he knew they understood. Understood more than he did, anyway, because they could feel pain.

But it was because of that, he knew, they would say the wrong things. They were hesitant enough as it was (which was almost humorous, except it wasn’t. Obviously) because it was Kanda…what could they say?

Well.

Nothing, actually.

He shot another glance at Bookman, who gave a tired shrug, before moving off to another victim and pulling out his trusted needles. It wouldn’t do much but relieve some pain, but it was enough for some. Enough.

And it had been a silent, “Do as you wish.” Because now the Old man sort of understood. Sort of because he really just didn’t, but they both knew they couldn’t die. No one could die. They couldn’t afford it. Maybe the old man was finally growing bitter, but it was too much to hope.

So Lavi took a few more steps than Allen, and Lenalee, and that Zhuu guy who they were pretty sure would die by the end of the night. It had been a foolish attempt, but then, Lavi supposed, the man must’ve felt more than guilty. More than a little weighted down.

Who wasn’t? Even Bak, leaning over him, grabbing his hand—even he wouldn’t step forward to talk to Kanda.

No one would.

But they all looked up when he did. When he put on that sickening smile, which might be seen as sarcastic now—they had seen Wisely look at him like that. With interest—they had heard Road—seen Road—stop dear Papa from attacking. They were curious what happened. He wouldn’t say. He wouldn’t. Or maybe he would, sometime, not now, when he was crossing the distance to the other man, kneeling on the cracked surface.

He wasn’t sure if that was Alma anymore, in any case.

But really, it was pathetic.

Kanda Yuu wasn’t pathetic.

He ignored the warning glances he received, burning him, and opened his mouth when he got to the man, “Neh, neh, Yuu-chan,” now wasn’t the time for nicknames. It wasn’t the time for much of anything, actually.

Kanda didn’t look up.

“Yuu,” he tried again, the boy’s fingers twitched. Mugen was some ways off, still, like he was afraid to touch the sword for what it meant.

“Hey—Kanda,” A third time, and an intake of breath from somewhere, “You still breathin?” He asked because he had to pretend to care, right? Right.

“Can you stand?” He asked, and he was pretty sure Lenalee’s mouth opened, and Allen’s too, but what could they say? Leave him there? But he wouldn’t get better if he stayed there—He needs to heal? He couldn’t if he stayed there, but he didn’t expect them to get that.

“Che.” The only reply, and he was faintly amused when the man shifted just a bit, legs a bit shaky as he tried to force himself up. Tried to, because maybe his words snapped him out of it. Just a little. He wouldn’t look at him though—he wouldn’t—he was still staring down at the cracked surface.

Still staring because of the man—boy—who—

“Kanda,” He said again, completely serious, and the man half turned to him, because he never used his last name. Never. No formality, none, nada—

Which is probably why it felt so good, when his fist connected, roughly, with the side of the other man’s face, sending him toppling to the ground, sliding a bit, and maybe he used a little more force than necessary—But…

“Lavi!” Lenalee and Allen gasped in unison, as if it was so bad, Kanda looked shocked, and Bookman didn’t even look up.

They had gained everyone’s attention, now, though.

So maybe the man would get it, then,

“Now get up.” No matter how scathing the words, “Get up and fucking mean it, Yuu-chan.”

…

He could say he was happy when the man did.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I'm in love with your writings. I really like the way you write Lavi, and his thoughts and views on what's happening around him, and also how, ironically, because he's not supposed to care, he's the one who's not hesistant to reach out. ♥ many kudos to you!

Ahah thank you~ ^^ you've read something else of mine? what was it? *curious*

And yeah, that was part of the point (him being the one who understands the situation. Yet he's technically not supposed to care enough to do something. But he Does) might also show how screwed up something is, but that depends on how you take it *shakes head*

and of course thanks so much for the comment~ *hugs*

~~I read another fic you posted on the dgm comm, 'Painting the Sky' :3 that one was very very lovely too!~~

askdjlf; ♥ Lavi either is ORIGINALLY, or has BECOME really quite screwed up, but he's also extremely perspective. I quite enjoy that you've written him like that :D *hugs back!* I'd love to see more fic from you C:

~~Ah, I was wondering if it was that one XD *Doesn't really post things here that often* unless I know it's neutral enough to be shown to a wider crowd* but I'm glad you liked it!~~~

I think it might be a combination of both (depends on how you take his personality). But yeah he is *nod* and I'm glad you like it (again) XD

if you wanna see more from me, then look on my LJ account. I update stuff there practically daily (and nearly every 'recent' post has a drabble fic to go along with it. Since DGM is my favorite fandom right now--it's most likely for DGM *nod*)

I loved the last part (last 6 lines). If that really happens in the manga, I'll be jumping in joy, even if it was Allen saying it. I feel that it's likely to happen because there's no way Kanda would be able to recover by himself after all that happened.

I'm glad you liked it! And yeah those last 6 lines can basically be interchanged between the two, and yeah Kanda definitely might need it if this is going where I think it is.

...and talking certainly wouldn't help *shakes head*

Of course not...as if just talking can just help him snap out of it, you have to be a little harsh before the message gets in.

yeah, I mean he doesn't talk much anyway, and talking about something like this has the penchant for backfiring. *shakes head*

<3 I like it!

thank you~ ^^

Yeah, a very lovely piece. And I'm sure we've all been at a point where we all need a little wake up call, of only to snap out of a bad funk and start living again. What with Alma being a central character to Kanda's motivation, being presented with such a shocking discovery would result in a little delirium.

were curious (about)what happened

Glad you think so~ I'm sure most people have, too (though I've never had anyone help me out of mine *it just gets to a point when I realize how stupid it is and snap out of it*) though with Kanda, yeah. Trying to act cold and aloof, and then getting hit with that...just..mhm...I don't think talking'll work XP

_{haha you noticed it. It's intentional though~}

That's why there are so many Akuma in the first place. Too much loss with no control. Not that I blame them, but sometimes, they needed to step back and find better ways to mourn. That, I think is one of the greatest tragedies in the story. "One that loved not wisely but too well" comes to mind. (Crackish thought: Would that mean there could be gangs of people who go around slapping sense into others?)

I think I'm now automatically looking for errors. ORZ

Exactly. *nod* That's a good saying...and I'm trying to remember who said it *remembers it from last year, poetry* but I'm drawing a blank. (Hum...good question XD ...*thinks about it* Phff...)

_{Apparently s-*sneeze*s-*sneeze* so...*crinkles nose* eugh...}

Othello.

It's allergy season. Ick! Never enough tissue.

Ah yess...it was in our poetry book (Othello was) along with a few others...*though she read the play in 11th grade*

_{funny thing is, I don't really have allergies *or if I do I don't know to whaaat*}

oh my, this is fanastic! hoho, I'm so attracted to tragedy, thank you!

Glad you liked it ^^ funny is I dislike reading it (unless it's done VERY well, and has a somewhat happy ending...for Someone) but I don't mind writing it (because I can come up with a bittersweet ending)

you're welcome~ *had fun writing it* _{and now I wanna try and attempt an Alma + Kanda friendship fic* buuut...gah. homework XP}

I am so glad to find the first signs of the fandom stirring by the latest chapter!

It's a bit sad how all the wait and what-not related to DGM has cooled down most of us/people XD

But I am trying my best to stay positive about this (even if this introduction chapter still seems a bit weird to me...)

I'd love to see something like your fic happening. Especially the punch at the end. And more than anything, I'd love it if it certainly was Lavi the one delivering it.

I don't know, Allen already does too many things LOL I want some focus on Lavi and Kanda.

I am having a lot of angsty and interesting musings thanks to your fic. More please! Inspiration is flowing, yes/yes?

*always love to read and read*

XD well I've been pretty active lately on my own journal (err...update everyday anyone? *coughcough*) but when inspiration hits, I say run with it. Run like the wiiiinnnd...sort of.

It depends on who you talk to *shrugs*

And yeah, just keep remaining positive. I think I figured out what Hoshino's trying to do, and I like it (though I love confusing-as-hell things, so I don't think I'm much of an accurate judge in that area)

I would too (hence why I wrote it) XD It also makes sense with what we know about Kanda (I honestly don't think talking would do him any good) Allen could also administer the last few lines, but I'm not sure how much of an impact it would give. Considering how Lavi's not supposed to care. Considering how Allen can sympathize too much and probably wouldn't want to harm even Kanda when he's down like that. But who knows? This is just speculation *shrugs*

Ahah well hey, that's a good thing! If I can write something that makes the reader think, then that's a very good thing~~ *nod, nod* As for inspiration, I'm going to try to work a bit with the whole Alma + Kanda friendship thing. As much as I can with what's given in the chapters *normally doesn't like speculation too early on but* yeah they inspiration is there, so why not? XD

39. Sorrow

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