Fan fiction: "The Mask"

[siberianchan.livejournal.com]

I got something to offer here.

Translation of a German one shot I wrote (much of my English stuff is a translation or transcription of my German stuff)

Original German text can be found here, just in case anyone cares. :)

For anyone else, here's the english transcription of it. Beta was dear fendassor - if you still find mistakes they probably are my fault.

Enjoy. :)
(I might warn those who dislike yaoi. Don't read. It IS yaoi. Not the fluffy kind. also not the porn kind. Also not the lovey-dovey kind. But still yaoi.)

 

Title: The Mask

Fandom: D.Gray Man

Pairing: Allen/Kanda, Kanda/Allen – wie man es sehen will

Comment: Want fluff? Check out another place – or even better – another author. You know, fluff's not really the stuff Sibi is used to.

Disclaimer: Uhm... Am I able to create akuma? No. Do I possess boots I can smash akuma with (and that are involved with Lavi's Adults Only fantasies)? No. Do I possess a chojiro or a hammer with similar impact (that means – minus Lavi's fantasies... though...) Nope. Do I possess a special left eye? - Niente (since I seriously doubt my short sightedness does count). Do I have a mighty left arm? - Uhm... you know... so... does the arm of a left handed authoress count?

Ah well – D.Gray Man does belong even less to me than... than... than the ark. Yep. All Hoshino Katsura's stuff and that's how it should stay. Meanwhile I'll fool around with my fan fiction.

 

The Mask

 

Allen Walker was always and at any time intangible.

Allen Walker was always was friendly and polite, always and to anyone.

Allen Walker always smiled. He always spoke in a calm, well-mannered voice.

Allen Walker – oh so well-mannered – always said Please and Thank you and Excuse Me and I Apologize.

Allen Walker always offered a gentle, smooth surface, mirroring and reflecting everything that crossed his way.

Allen Walker never allowed anyone a glance behind the mirror.

Allen Walker in his gentle habit was untouchable.

Kanda could see it.

And Kanda hated him for it. He hated how Allen Walker could always escape whoever tried to grasp him without getting noticed. Kanda on the other hand got caught by almost everyone trying to get him, no matter how hard he tried escaping.

Once in a while Kanda almost managed to get him rid of his mirror mask, insulting him and making him just as mad as Allen Walker did him.

"Beansprout" did the spell, dissolving the glue that kept the mirror mask on Walker’s face.

There was another mask underneath, showing itself in those moments, a mask made of black anger. Once again Allen Walker eluded him.

Kanda could not tell anymore when he got that obsession into his head; probably it had started early, very early, pretty soon after Walker joined the Order. And yes – up until now it had become a real obsession to him, the idea to strip Allen Walker off his mask. Maybe – so he hoped – he then would be able to find some serenity again. Maybe Allen then would finally stop permanently drawing his attention to him, just by showing his smooth mirror mask.

Sometimes, when in battle he saw the flash of something, something that did not match the mask, something that might be the reality behind the mask. At least Kanda considered thought it might be. One could never be too sure, not when the exorcist in question was idiotic enough to mourn the akuma he himself had killed. Or who lacked enough brain cells to believe a doll, moved by nothing but Innocence, to be human.

Yes, Walker for sure had his reasons to wear his masks. (? Plural?)

But instead of soothing Kanda, that thought just agitated him even more. With Walker being like that it was no wonder Kanda found it impossible to work with him. How were you supposed to complete missions in pairs when one was so damn unpredictable? Kanda really did not fancy dying any time soon just because of this lunatic. And since he could not get him to follow Kanda's lead – at least in this Walker was predictable, though Kanda would not have dared betting on it – Kanda at least had to plan his movements around him in order to get out of those missions without too much damage.

He had to get rid of Walker’s masks.

He knew, it didn’t work with friendliness – how Lenalee Lee and anybody else bounced off on the mask was proof enough – and they didn't even notice.

Also he already had noticed that he would not get far with

with enraging Walker. And always accompanying him on his missions, just to get his chance also was not exactly what Kanda considered appropriate. Maybe he managed a short glimpse behind the mask, for just one moment – just to waste a bit of his precious remaining life time in the next. Oh. No. That was so not going to happen. He definitely would not risk sacrificing another lotus petal.

As it seemed he just had to find another way – and after a while pondering the issue Kanda did. Though he had to be honest that it was more or less killing two birds with one stone.

He had to get close to Allen Walker, close enough not even he could sneak away anymore. Bird number one.

The second bird was connected to the fact of Kanda – despite his twisted and disgusting body – was a young man. One, who might not belonged to the kind that got distracted and overly irritated when being abstinent for too long – but still, he noticed how he got slight problems controlling his Innocence then. His sync rate dropped when he got no proper physical exercise in any aspect.

You could say it was a lucky chance then, that Walker – cursed, irritating and beansprout he might be – was not the homely or even ugly type. Not that it mattered with the lights dead.

 

Allen Walker slept on the other side of the gallery circle and he was a deep sleeper as Kanda knew from their missions together.

He never locked his door and had made it made a habit to retire pretty late at night.

Kanda knew those habits.

The moment he heard the door on the other side of the gallery fall shut he knew he still had to wait for two more hours. Then Walker would be fast asleep. Kanda really had no interest in fighting resistance from the very beginning; he definitely would have preferred it not finding any resistance at all. He had to decrease the resistance as much as possible.

He had to bide his time.

He bade his time.

He was waiting when the bell rang one.

He was waiting when the bell rang two.

And finally, when the bell rang three he silently rose from his bed.

Ghostly, silently he moved along the gallery.

Somewhere, some levels below two voices moaned and groaned in an odd duet. The sound drifted up to him.

Kanda smiled disdainfully as he reached the door and quietly pushed it open.

There he lay, in his bed in a corner, white hair on white linen.

His breath was calm and steady.

Kanda’s hand purposefully slid below the comforter and met a warm, undressed torso.

Walker squirmed beneath his cool touch.

His hand wandered over the skin, felt how muscle and bands contracted as he roamed further until reaching some fabric.

He brushed it aside.

Above the comforter he heard Allen mumbling something.

Kanda now pushed the blanket away and lifted himself on Allen's hips, hands pressed down on his chest.

Allen sleepily groaned and grumbled.

Kanda now let his hands roam again. Gripped the left shoulder, where under the skin he could feel the collarbone in a sharp relief.

Allen groaned and again he tried to squirm.

Something half hardened lazily rubbed again Kanda's hip.

Again Allen groaned and this time it almost sounded like he was moaning.

Kanda pressed his hand on something that felt suspiciously like a hardened nipple.

The hand roamed further on.

With the other he reached behind himself; he found that half hardened thing and pressed it against his thigh.

His right hand now found its way back to the left shoulder.

The skin there gave a somewhat swollen impression, thick and uneven where it had not turned wrinkled and red yet.

He felt a pulse under his fingers.

And Allen, panting, opened his eyes, glanced around and realized who was holding him down.

“Silence”, Kanda hissed.

A long, deep, even breath crossed Allen's lips. “What are you doing here?”, he then asked, in a voice way to clear and aware for someone who had just woken up.

“I told you: silence!” Kanda leaned over him) “You hear?! Don't speak! Not a word!”

“I am quiet already” Allen placed his left hand on Kanda's side. “Don't say even a word.” The hand wandered over skin, down the torso and then rested on Kanda's waist.

“What is that supposed to be?”
“Apparently you are needy enough to attack me at night. While I am sleeping”, Allen remarked. Now his hand started wandering again; it found something and closed itself around it.

Kanda hissed.

Allen now moved hand and hip alike. “Well, actually I don't mind. But next time make sure to ask. And make sure to wake me up. You gave me a scare.”

Kanda did not laugh.

He just rocked their hips harder against each other until Allen tilted his head back and Kanda could hear a tight panting. He shifted his position a bit until he felt something starting to press into him.

At once Allen's eyes shut open and for one moment he stared at Kanda with something almost like panic. Then, calming down he mumbled: “You've got a serious problem there.”

“It was you who said he would not mind.”

“That was not...”
Kanda forced himself down on him and Allen broke off his sentence in favor of a long moan.

“Fine”, he finally sighed, “do as you like.”

 

Afterward, Kanda had just as little trouble with getting up and leaving as he had with walking straightforward with a wound in his stomach.

Allen remained lying in his bed, watching him as he re-arranged his yukata. He himself pulled his pants back over his hips and then the comforter up to his chin.

Without taking his eyes from Kanda he snuggled deeper into the warm feather bed; he almost buried himself in it.

Kanda caught him staring and now Allen did turn his gaze away. “As I said – next time ask first.”

Kanda remained silent.

“Or even better – wake me up before molesting me.” Allen chuckled softly. “A shock like that can kill you, you know.”

Kanda closed the door behind himself and hurried back to his own room.

He had gotten close to Allen Walker.

Allen Walker should not have been able to escape.

Allen Walker had gotten touched by him.

But Allen Walker had not let go of his mask. All the time it had been there on his face.

Allen Walker once again had eluded him. He still was intangible.

 

Kanda’s anger about Walker’s escape was short lived. He knew, Allen had a long breath – he could play this little game of his for quite a long time. But even the longest time was over at one point.

At one point that mask would fall.

And so a few days later Kanda again found himself standing at Walker’s bed.

Under his touch the skin felt just the same as last time as he ran circles over the abdomen with his fingers.

Allen turned his head to him, watching him with open, bright eyes. “I distinctly remember asking you to wake me before starting to feel me up.”

“You are awake”, was Kanda's mere comment when he pulled back the blanket.

Allen grabbed him, pulling him on the bed, placing him on his hips before and brushed his hand pleasantly purposefully down Kanda’s belly all the way to his crotch.

He understood the nonexistence of meaning in this. He did not think of a secret, hidden intention behind those actions, none that would have gone beyond the mere physical relief. It was one of the very few good traits Kanda had discovered on him. There were already enough fools in the Order as it was, thinking such a marginal thing as sex could have a deeper meaning.

On the other hand it meant Allen once again showed him that mask of his. For him it was of no importance what happened here. If he ever thought about it, it was in mere bypassing.

“Without preparation again?”, he asked as Kanda positioned himself above him. “You really are mental, huh?”
“Shut up.”

With his left hand Allen grabbed his hip as Kanda took him in; the skin felt surprisingly normal, hot and smooth; just that it was wrinkled as an old man's.

The right hand covered Allen's mouth so that he could bite his palm.

Kanda showed some patience before proceeding, waiting until Allen had calmed down, taking the teeth from his fingers.

He took a deep, groaning breath before resuming the movement.

Kanda followed.

This time it took them a bit longer and their rhythm was more even, more harmonic.

Their suppressed voices mingled together, grew louder, swelled before cracking and imploding.

Kanda leaned on his elbows, panting; it took a little while for him to draw breath again.

When sitting up he noticed Walker turning his face away, right arm over his eyes.

His breath was even.

“Hn?”, he gnarled.

Allen lifted the arm from his eyes. “Sweating, that's all.” Again he was smiling. Again the mirror mask. “Though I seriously doubt your question is of mere concern of my person.”

Kanda’s eyes on him became icy.

“You're away on duty tomorrow, aren't you? Better you go and catch some sleep.”

Kanda lifted himself off him and hastily left the room.

Bit by bit, he noticed, he started disliking Allen Walker even more than before.

 

The assignment came, Kanda went. After a month the assignment ended and Kanda returned with a retrieved Innocence, his coat all rags and tatters and his mood possibly even more foul than usual.

The first to meet him were Allen and Lenalee and naturally they were smiling as if meeting some long lost relative.

“Great, you're back!” Lenalee did not ask, did not care, did not think – what she did was giving him a quick, strong one-armed hug.

Even till this day, for some reason not even Kanda himself knew why he had not been able to treat her the way she deserved for such an audacity. Anybody else – regardless sex, gender or skirt length – would have been sliced the very moment they dared thinking about approaching him.

Next to them Allen smiled. “What's the matter, Kanda? So happy being back alive that you even start to act human?” And despite those words the smile remained, turning even the eyes into a warm, welcoming mask.

“I'm not you, beansprout. I have no reason fearing death through idiocy.”

“Oh. Really? And here I was always thinking you were especially prone to this.” At once Walker's smiling mask turned a good deal less friendly. The edges had sharpened up.

“What tempts you believing this, beansprout?”
“Well, I don't know – maybe it's because as a child I was taught to recognize the symptoms of idiocy. One of them was the inability to even pretend to have some social skills.”

Lenalee let her gaze wander between them, slightly worried, Kanda noticed. In her imagination she probably saw lightning flash between his and Walker's eyes.

“Kanda, my brother would like to have your report as soon as possible”, she finally said. “And get the Innocence to Hebraska, please. And make sure to eat something!”

Kanda gave her a curt nod and started moving away.

In his back he heard Lenalee sighing. “Allen, really – what is it with you and Kanda? With anybody else you get along just fine. But him... what's the problem, huh?”
Exactly this.

Now (-) he heard Walker answering: “I Don't see your point, Lenalee. Lately we get along much better.”

Kanda decided that for this it was too good a death being sliced into pieces by Mugen.

 

He did not slice Allen into pieces, just as he did not kill him in general.

His revenge he got at that night, when he stood at Walker's bed again.

He had been waited for it, as it seemed; Walker's gaze hung on him, serene and awake.

“So we get along better?”, he snarled. “What makes you think so, beansprout?”

Allen offered him a thin smile. “Well – up till now you have not attempted killing me in bed.”

“You want me to?”
“Well, you would have quite some explaining to do)”, the other one murmured, pulling Kanda down to himself.

He was halfway sitting; Kanda could feel his breath, little hot gusts sweeping over his skin.

The sensation directly shot into his groins and Kanda jerked back.

“Don't be such a chicken. I never leave traces”, Allen remarked while one of his hands slid up Kanda's spine.

Then down again, just before reaching the slender, pale line of his neck.

Kanda bit his lip.

And Walker smiled as if satisfied while taking his hand, leading it over his skin.

“What is this?”

Allen held him tight. “We’ve come far enough to accept the humanity of the other quite a while ago now ”, he said. “And as you know I personally dislike treating human beings like mere rubber dolls.”

“Don't get mushy.”

“I am not, don't worry. I know you despise me. The feeling is mutual. But that does not make you a rubber doll. And neither me. Do me as much as you need. But since this is a game for either of us I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules.”

Was this a glance behind the mask? Or just another mask?

Allen pulled him down to him, pressing their hips tighter together. “Don't worry. I'm well mannered. I never leave any marks.”

He really did not. Maybe because his lips never touched Kanda's skin, his touches being rather impersonal, lacking interest. His aim was getting Kanda aroused. That was it. But in this he was an expert.

When Kanda remarked upon it afterwards, Walker merely shrugged. “One learns.” His gaze was turned away.

 

Then, after having spend many nights like this, Kanda finally was ready to lay his hands around Allen’s neck, so abruptly that it made Allen stop his movement at once.

There was an uncomfortable twinge in Kanda's groin.

“What's the matter?”, he asked, “now you do wanna throttle me while bedding me?”

Kanda did not answer.

“So, what have I committed to not even deserve dying through Mugen's blade?”
“I hate liars” Kanda said, slowly tightening his grip. “I told you from the beginning. I hate liars.”

“And when, tell me, have I ever lied?”

The grip tightened even more. “Every day.”

It seemed he hit a nerve and if that flicker on his face was anything to go by, Walker understood perfectly well what he was talking about.

“Oh. This”, he then said. “Oh, no. That's no lie. That's real.”

“It's not.”
Again his mien wavered.

“Not that I'd care. But your idiotic kindness keeps them at distance.”
“Yes. That's what I intended.” From one moment to the other Walker's voice was tired. “But still it is no sham. That's how I am. That's real.”
“Then what's the meaning behind this?”

Allen raised a hand – just to lower it again. “I don't know what's behind”, he mumbled, hand brushing over his face. “I really don't know... and neither do I wanna know nor do I want anybody else to find out. That means... if there actually even is anything going by the name of Allen Walker.”

Kanda's grip now loosened. “Finish it.”
Allen laughed curtly and followed the order.

This was the last night Kanda came to him. That night he gave up trying to look behind the mask.

 

X-posted in dgrayman_yaoi - sorry to those who see it the second time now.