([identity profile] wrote in [community profile] dgray_man2011-11-29 10:07 pm

My Immortal

A/N: Okay so this is a songfic based on the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence. It's one of my fave songs so i decided to do a songfic for it so here it is! I'll tell you now that this songfic is pretty dark.

Warning: Angst and Character Death.

No one wants to believe it but we don't have a choice. Kanda Yuu has fallen in battle. He won't be coming home.

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I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave. Cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

No, oh god, please no. I can't be hearing this right. I stare at Komui, he stares back, his arms wrapped around Lenalee as she sobs into his chest. I feel my chest constrict and I try to say something-anything-past the lump in my throat, but sound refuses to come. I feel a whole in my chest, a jagged wound caused by grief, despair and regret. Komui looks at me sadly as he makes the announcement, a still sobbing Lenalee in his arms. Everyone is shocked they never expected this to happen to him of all people. No one wants to believe it but we don't have a choice. Kanda Yuu has fallen in battle. He won't be coming home.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light, now I'm bound by the life you've left behind. Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me. These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

He's gone. He's no more than a memory. The only person I had ever truly loved is gone. I see him in my dreams, his face contorted in pain as his dying screams fill the air drilling into my skull and engraving themselves into my memory, creating yet more cracks in the pieces of my already shattered heart.
My mind is shaken; I no longer know what to believe. It's impossible to think through the screams that begin haunting me in the waking world as well as my dreams. The wounds grow worse with time. The pain grows stronger.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me I've been alone all along.

Days pass, but still he doesn't return. He's dead, that's what my mind keeps telling me but my heart refuses to believe it. The pain is too much. I'm alone. Sure the others try to comfort me and I smile at them so they won't worry, but I still feel so alone. I don't like being alone. I know how to end my loneliness and I allow a sad half smile to grace my lips.


It's been several weeks since I've been in the order. I don't understand why everyone keeps staring at me like they've seen a ghost but it's starting to get on my nerves. I scoff as the Usagi comes into view, drawing his attention as well as Lenalee's.
The rabbit's usual grin appears, but it somehow seems genuine for once in his idiotic life. Tears come to Lenalee's eyes and next thing I know she's sobbing into my chest. I ask what's going on, my hand going to the hilt of my sword in annoyance.
The answer the Usagi gives me shakes me to my core. I turn around pushing Lenalee away, and take off running, something deep inside telling me to get to my Moyashi as quickly as I can. I can't understand why my heart clenches with fear.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me.

I throw the door open just as blood springs from his chest, staining his pale shirt and his own hand. My eyes widen and it takes everything I have not to fall to my knees and scream.
Silver eyes lock on me and a sad half smile comes to his lips he whispers something almost too quiet for me to hear, but I do, all too clearly.
He says he's glad it worked. Now we can be together.
I want to snap at him, call him an idiot and so many other things. I want to fall to my knees and scream at the heavens, allow my tears to fall, but I don't. Instead I force my usual smirk to my lips and walk over to the bed where he lay. I place a chaste kiss on his lips, before kissing the tears from his eyes and taking his hand in mine.
It's already getting cold and I fight to keep mine steady. I tell him it took him long enough, and he smiles at me just as the last of the light leaves his beautiful silver eyes, leaving them a dull, slate gray. I fall to my knees now that he's gone and let my tears fall at last.

A/N: Okay, so I'll admit it , I was crying while I wrote the ending. Especially when Kanda kissed him. I think it just felt in character for me. I honestly felt that in that situation Kanda would let Allen believe he had done the right thing no matter how much it hurt him. My original idea was for Allen to break Kanda's heart, then Atsu said something about having Mana die and Kanda comfort him, but, well I have a twisted way of thinking so she went in one direction and my mind went in the opposite. I also made an alternate ending for this one that is up on my page-along with a few more songfics and the first chapter of my Vampire Yullen story, Blood and Lust so please check it out. I promise not ALL my work is as dark as this.
Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!